How to control anger with Kids?


January 11, 2021

Reading Time: 10 minutes


Anger is a normal human emotion that needs to be expressed with utmost care and caution. Parental anger issues are existent throughout the world however, very few parents are ready to address this problem.

The fault lies within our society which encourages parent's anger towards children. While most of the parents still wonder how to control anger with kids a few parents have found the right balance.

Anger management for parents is a crucial aspect of wholesome family life. Disagreements will take place at all-important issues of life but one must control anger with a child.

We will reflect on the major causes of parental anger issues, the impact of anger towards children, and discuss How to control your anger with kids?  Anger management can be dealt with in many healthy ways.

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How to control anger with Kids?


Why do Parents get Angry with their Kids?

Parents and children have the ability to trigger each other. Even as adults we are often irrational in relation to our own parents.

Parenting is no cakewalk and requires patience at every step of life. It is important to answer why parents get angry before discussing how to control their anger with kids.

While one can think of numerous reasons, there are a few underlying major issues that need to be resolved or addressed at the earliest.

Daughter ignoring her mother after an argument in living room

Aggression can be defined as behavior directed towards harming or injuring another living being who is motivated to avoid such treatment. 

Empathy is an emotional reaction to another individual's emotional state. Anger is an emotional reaction to threat, frustration, or social provocation.

Therefore, empathy and anger are two social emotions that modulate an individual's risk for aggression.

  • When children fail to meet expectations 

Parents need to be patient with kids and understand their problems. It takes time for kids to understand the significance of life skills.

You may have certain expectations in terms of academics, co-curricular activities, or lifestyle in general.

Try to understand and explore the unique qualities of your child, they may not be good at the things you want them to excel. But their performance at other activities may surprise you out of bound.

Be flexible with your expectations and allow your child to express his or her creativity as freely as possible.

  • Parents are stressed and tired 

How to control anger with kids if you are already stressed and tired? In such situations, you will start losing your temper over little things. Spend some quality time with your family and try to strike a balance between professional and personal life.

This will do wonders to improve your relationship with the child and spouse. 

  • Kids are weak in academics

Don't be mad at your child if he or she is weak in a subject like mathematics despite enrolling for coaching classes. Spend some time with your kid and try to understand their problem.

Encourage them to get involved in mathematics clubs, quizzes, or any other activity that can help them build interest. Underperformance is often caused due to a lack or absence of foundational knowledge.

Try to explain basic mathematical theorems with proofs and ask your child to avoid memorizing mathematics as much as possible.  Keep your cool and be patient with your child.  

  • Lack of discipline in kids 

Most of the time children find one way or another to bypass the rules set by their parents. Especially common among teenagers but toddlers can also take you for a ride.

Try to explain your intentions behind setting up rules and boundaries. Make sure you do not impose any rule unilaterally that can hurt your child’s sentiment. 

  • Society makes us think, anger is power

A good percentage of parents believe anger is the only way to make their child disciplined and obedient. But this myth has the potential to eventually ruin families and set them apart.

Good communication and an open heart are the only two things that can help you reason with children. Do not intimidate kids. However, try to explain to them about the consequences beforehand. 

While it is important to understand how to control your anger with kids, it is crucial to solving the underlying issues. Try to reduce situations of anger towards children, as prevention is better than cure.

However, situations of conflict may not be eliminated. Try to have realistic expectations and do not suppress your kid's individuality. 

How can Parents' Anger affect a child?

Children have impressionable minds and any form of violence or anger towards a child can result in various psychological ailments. Going through a set of consequences might help you with parental anger issues.

  • Absence of Empathy in kids

When children experience a lack of love and understanding in their early childhood days, their outlook towards the world changes. They seem to care less about their near and dear ones, which is interpreted as a lack or absence of empathy.

The feeling of anger in parents needs to be minimized to protect kids from psychological or emotional disorders. 

  • Children of angry parents often face adjustment problems

Kids tend to lose social skills due to a lack of confidence and fear of rejection by society. When a child is unable to meet expectations, fear of rejection is induced. Your anger towards a child in such circumstances will further erode self-confidence.

If a kid undergoes similar instances over a while, he or she will face hurdles while interacting with people. 

  • Parental anger is often associated with delinquency

Exposure to anger and violence will reduce a child’s fear of rules and regulations. The morale of a child will also be severely impacted in such situations.

These kids tend to indulge in shoplifting, substance abuse, or other petty crimes. This also indicates the lack of associativity or attachment with parents. 

  • Depression is common among kids subjected to parental anger

Depression is a long term impact of parental anger. Kids tend to get frustrated with their lives and blame themselves for everything that goes wrong around them.

It is very difficult to help such kids and requires professional help from a child psychologist or psychiatrist. 

We suggest you control anger with the child as this may cause irreversible or permanent damage to your kid’s life. Every little step you take towards healthy and happy family matters and it takes time to put a raincheck on your anger.

So be patient while you ace anger management for parents.

20 Tips for Handling your Anger

We have looked into the causes and consequences of anger and now we will discuss how to control anger with kids? There are 20 effective ways that will help you get started towards a happy and healthy family life.  

  1. Set your limits beforehand and avoid crossing the line when your temper is fuming

Parents need to decide the extent of reaction they can exhibit beforehand. This will help you minimize the negative impact of the situation.

Draw clear boundaries, you can also discuss these boundaries with your kids. Many parents believe this will make them appear weaker in front of their kids.

However, in reality, you will earn your child’s trust and respect in the process.

  1. Try to maintain an anger journal to identify flashpoints

Try to note down all the instances of your anger outburst with kids. Your record needs to be as detailed as possible. This journal will help you identify all the issues that act as triggers or flashpoints for your anger.

A child trying to control her anger while her parents are scolding in the background

Most parents do realize that all of the flashpoints are generally associated with a few prominent issues. The objective here is to identify all those issues and talk openly about them with your kids. 

  1. Do not get angry in a flash, try to calm down first

Anger outbursts can be an extremely volatile reaction with severe consequences. It is best to calm down and analyze the situation before fixating on anger itself.

Kids may get frightened beyond belief. This will cause them to be more rebellious and stubborn, exaggerating the existing problems.

  1. Do not act on your anger and try to listen to your anger first

Some parents react to anger immediately and regret it later when there is no room for remorse. Try to understand yourself and figure out where your anger is exactly rooting from.

Sometimes you may be astonished to explore the possibility of your experience interfering with your anger towards your child. 

  1. Be careful and cautious while expressing your anger to your child

Expressing your anger is necessary but it is necessary to be mindful and conscious. Try to understand your child’s reaction while you express yourself.

A women screaming at someone because of frustration

Being too harsh will demotivate your child.  

  1. Do not react immediately and wait before you discipline your child

Your anger can have a negative impact on your child. It is important to wait for some time as this will reduce the stress and anxiety induced in your child.

In such circumstances, kids will keep crying or sulking and it is not a good idea to talk about discipline. Be there for your child and don't let them feel alone or lonely, later you can talk about all the disciplinary actions you need to take.

  1. Avoid beating or exerting any kind of physical force on your child

Hitting or physical force is the worst enemy of parenthood. Remember this at all costs, you can be strict and go for grounding instead. This will not only cause unforeseen accidents but also spoil your relationship.

If your child is very adamant and stubborn, try spending some time with him or her to understand their point of view. This will help you earn your kid’s trust.

  1. Do not threaten your child in any way

Threatening will reduce your authority over your kid. This happens because when we are angry, we tend to talk about unreasonable actions which won’t be possible anyway.

warning his child for a mistake

If you try to scare your child with blank actions and consequences, they will start taking them lightly. Next time, your child might not even pay attention to what you have to say.

  1. Be careful with the words you choose to speak in front of your child

Do not use any bad words in front of your kids. This will make it impossible for you to discipline them later. Kids follow the example set by parents and therefore, they might start using those same words against you later.

Make sure you do not shout at your child, this will take away all the self-confidence from your kid. 

  1. Promise yourself to stay in control of your emotions

Do not lose yourself to your anger, this is one of the worst things to do. In such a circumstance you are more likely to cause emotional torment and pain to your child.

Letting go of your responsibilities as a parent to protect your child will eventually make him/her detached from you day by day. This is one of the most painful things to experience in life. 

  1. Expect your kid to test your patience and limit

Children try to test the extent of their parents' reactions. Therefore, they are likely to say things that will cause you a great deal of emotional pain. But at this point, you need to understand your child needs love and attention.

Kids who hurt their parents are the ones who need more attention from their parents. Try to spend some time together and indulge in some games or activities together.


Make them feel that you are on their side and not otherwise.

  1. Do not start panicking about the future

Avoid lecturing your kids about the miserable future they are going to have due to lack of discipline. This will make your kid feel hopeless and terrible instead of motivating them to do better.

Understand what motivates and demotivates your kid before talking about their future. Panicking never does good to any situation, so just keep calm while talking to your kids. 

  1. Avoid bringing up past issues

We all make mistakes and so does your child. But bringing up those old mistakes which have already been resolved might cause unnecessary stress.

No one likes to discuss their weakness, so be careful when you bring them up. Avoid criticism and talk like an advisor to keep your child away from alienation. 

  1. Choose your battles carefully and understand not all situations are alike

Kids will deviate from the path you choose for them and it is alright to do so. You need to understand your kid’s unique self before intervening in their life.

They might not fit into the life you choose for them. But again, at times, you need to ask them about their dreams and aspirations to make sure they are following their chosen path and not drifting away.

Do not fight over petty differences and act only when it is the only reasonable option available in front of you.

  1. Make a list of acceptable ways to deal with your anger

There are a lot of options available to deal with your emotional self and anger. But make a list of activities beforehand to avoid a sudden outburst.

You can choose from activities like meditation, yoga, aroma-therapy, spiritual healing to help you deal with your anger. Alternatively, you can also try focusing on your hobbies for a while.

Controlling anger and frustration through meditation

If you pay too much attention to your child and become overinvolved, it will cause you a great deal of pain. 

  1. Try and understand the underlying issues, consider yourself a part of the problem or situation

Your response to any given situation will decide its direction. Do not blame your kids at all times as this may cause irate behavior in children.

Introspect your actions along with your child’s activities to understand or recognize any mistake that you might have made in the past. Corrective measures are only possible when you recognize your mistake as well. 

  1. Try to encourage your children and discipline them

It’s not easy to discipline kids but demotivating or scaring them won’t help your cause. Try to approach situations with a positive outlook and encourage your children to follow rules.

You can tell them how to win their football match by going to bed early or ask your kids to have their greens for beautiful skin.

  1. Positive self-talk will be helpful 

Intrinsic motivation is very helpful for first-time parents and it will help you identify your emotional needs. Try to fill your head with positive thoughts and memories. Sometimes we cannot avoid the distress but improve our response.

Unhappy parents always struggle to keep their kids happy. Remember to shower some self-love before worrying about your child.

  1. Practice breathing exercise to stay calm

Meditating regularly is the best answer. Take a deep breath. Experts recommend breathing exercises as an anger remedy. Better blood circulation to the brain will improve your anger-management skills.

Smiling businesswoman shows gestures to meditate

You can learn breathing exercises by attending classes or through free online videos.

  1. If you feel angry over little things or very frequently, consult a medical counselor

Anger is a very normal human emotion but sometimes we all can go overboard with it. Self-assessment is crucial and one needs to understand whether anger is eating them from the inside.

Hoarding your anger or outbursting anger can cause serious psychological ailments. If you feel depressed, tired, hopeless, or unbearable reactions to anger, consult a medical counselor right away. This will not only help you but also improve your child's life for the better.  

Psychologists can help people recognize and avoid the triggers that make them angry.

There are times when we feel angry at our kids and respond thoughtlessly. You can introspect your actions, reactions, and trigger points to identify the source of the problem.

Stubborn and rebellious kids need love and attention more than anything else. Do not hit your child or shout at them, this way you will only end up destroying your relationship. Try to go on family picnics and vacations to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with your child. 


Parental anger issues are extremely common, so do not fret over them. The fact that you have identified yourself is crucial in solving your anger issues.

Try to reason yourself before reacting to any situation and try to stay as calm as possible. It is important to take care of your well being as this will impact your general outlook towards life.

Spending some time with your kids will help you understand them better. Anger management will help you bid adieu to all parenting problems. 

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How do you control anger in children?

There are several tips:

  • Calm your child and talk it out.
  • Be comfortable and give affection to them.
  • Praise their good behavior.

Can yelling at a child be harmful?

New research suggests that yelling at kids can be just as harmful as hitting them; in the two-year study, effects from harsh physical and verbal discipline were found to be frighteningly similar. A child who is yelled at is more likely to exhibit problem behavior, thereby eliciting more yelling. It's a sad cycle.

External References

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